Snippets

I'm a lot taller on my Blog than I am in real life.
Bees do not enjoy being juggled.
One of my imaginary friends voted Conservative. Where did I go wrong?
My pilot light went out last night. It's never happened before. I'm not sure who to call.
I'm pretty sure Genghis Khan would have preferred a manual transmission.

Should It Be That Colour?

For several months, my aroma therapist, Miyer, had been trying to persuade me to undergo a scan. I finally acquiesced, and I'm so glad I did. It turns out I'm on special this week, and 99 cents per 100 gms is a hell of a deal.
I'm taking an oral contraceptive. My psychiatrist assures me it will prevent issues.
Does anybody know if squid are contagious?
Frostbite is NOT a flavour of ice cream.

Speaking Of Which

I had a blood test today. The result was positive.......it's definitely blood.
I hate this time of year because it reminds me of autumn.
You can't reason with a fart.
In a recent poll, the vast majority of howler monkeys said they preferred softball to soccer.
I've gone green. My doctors are baffled.
Never take a sponge for granted.

Life Is..........

I have an inflatable gene pool.
My GPS unit has a lisp.
Duct tape is not a hair removal system.
Why do the voices in my head only speak Spanish?
Like my computer, why can't I have automatic updates?

A Slight Tweaking

Bacon is responsible for an awful lot of saliva.
If the answer is a lemon meringue pie...........the question is not important.
Who invented lunacy?
My slow-cooker has an inferiority complex, but it makes great stew.
Yesterday, I mailed several self-addressed envelopes under an assumed name.

Snack-size Bites

Laughter may be the best medicine, unless you've been bitten by a King Cobra.
Size doesn't matter, except when jam-filled doughnuts are involved.
What happens to all of the sad meals?
I recently went to a gigantic tool sale, but only found regular-sized ones.
I paid a small fortune for a heart monitor, but it only shows one channel.

Sane Beyond Recognition

Are you worried about Austrian confectioners?
Have you ever video-taped soup?
Do you wish your nipples were bigger?
Is there an albino raccoon living in your toilet?
Do Mexican tourists laugh at you?
Would you consider dating a Cornish pasty?
Do you have a life-threatening bullet wound?

If you answered 'yes' to four or more questions..........never, ever, tell anybody.